(OR CHRISTMAS IS COMING AND I DON’T WANT TO MISS IT ONE MORE TIME)
Is it really possible to be happy 5, 8, 97 days in a row (for a not so happy person)?
Let’s try? Who is gonna be there to help me?
Trying to be happy makes me kind of happy
Few years ago I lost my father just before Christmas. Before that I watched him for years fighting with cancer, changing and disappearing little by little. He was the most important person in my life. All my childhood and adolescence he was there. Most understanding and kind person in the world. He was a strong and happy person, ready to help me and everybody else.
Then happened the day he came and told me: It’s cancer.
From that day till the morning my mom wake me up with: Ivana he is dad. It was all suffering.
Years that followed were very hard for me. So many times that moment and those words returned to me.
People I thought I could trust showed their real faces, just bringing me more pain. Friends disappeared. Everything bad that was happening was making me feel like I was a bad person, cause in some way I had to deserve all that was happening.
My bear was only one who stayed with me, I really don’t know how he managed to support me and my bad moods from day to day, and what could have happened to me without him.
Time is passing, I wouldn’t say it’s healing everything. Just if you don’t desire to give up, new things are taking you away from past, and there is less and less time for it.
New little people happened in my life. Now I’m watching every day two new human beings growing and learning new things, laughing and playing. Becoming beautiful new people.
Mom’s work isn’t easy, there is no time off or limit in loving and caring for the little ones. Often I don’t have time for me, for doing something I liked to do, to relax, or money to go somewhere or buy something just cause I liked it. But until they are good and happy you always find ways to go through all bad things.
When I was little I was so excited about Christmas, I would go Christmas shopping with my dad. We would decorate the tree together, while my mom would make all the house smelling beautiful by preparing some Christmas food and sweets.
Now I’m trying but every year before Christmas it comes that time and I kind of lose all good, Christmas feeling. I feel like Christmas disappeared when I lost my dad, like he was my good Christmas spirit and now I can’t find it anymore.
Why I started 100 happy days with a sad story?
I don’t really know. 😀 Maybe it’s something like an sos message in the bottle in this virtual, make believe sea.
Or maybe I needed to first get rid of all the bad stuff which was not letting me have happy days and happy Christmas.
I’m trying to make my home a nice place and I think it’s impossible to do it without some plants in it. This one I bought last year before Christmas, its called Christmas Star.
It’s still here and it grew a lot. Doesn’t have so much red leaves (flowers). For that I read you should cut branches, and leave it in the dark and colder place for some time. But I don’t care I like it like this, (and I’m sorry to cut it). I just transferred it into bigger pot and left it where it likes to be, on a place with a lots of light. It makes me happy to see it, It kind reminds me there is always chance for another happy Christmas.
Strange day. Rain. Sun. Wind. Calm. Kids playing, running me playing, taking photos. Not bad for strange day.
There are different ways to reach same objective. Some people buy flowers I buy seeds. Everybody is happy in their own way.